The Rea Twins Strike Again

*stares at screen for 10 minutes*
*watches The Ringer on TV*
*reads MJ's blog on commercials, clicking every link possible*
*stares some more*

I have officially hit a wall. I have NO IDEA what to blog about today, my brain has nothing left to give. Frankly, I'm shocked I made it this far.

Reason: HA! TOLD YOU!!
Reality: She never listens to us, and she rejects me frequently.
Reason: I know, she's pretty harsh on you. You'd think she'd be nicer, considering she can't get a date.
Self: HEY!
Reason: What? It's true.
Self: What are you guys doing here, anyway? It's been AGES since you've bothered me.
Reality: Yeah, well, you kept beating us into submission.
Reason: I got a concussion, BTW. You owe me $3000 in medical bills.
Self: That seems a little steep.
Reality: Yeah, well, the ER overcharges like crazy. I may have added in a little extra, but compared to the pain you've put me through, it's nothing. Deal with it.
Self: I wouldn't pay that even if I had the money. Now go away, I'm trying to write a blog.
Reason: And failing. You should have listened to us 20 days ago.
Self: But you were WRONG. I haven't missed a single day this month.
Reason: I believe the argument was that it wasn't INTERESTING. Any idiot can write something every day, that doesn't mean it's good.
Reality: Even monkeys can pound out something incoherent if you put a laptop in front of them.
Self: I... Why am I still talking to you?
Reason: Oh, come on. You practically begged us to come back. You have nothing better to do or say.
Reality: That isn't completely true. Nothing to say, certainly, but there are plenty of things she could be doing. Like unpacking, for instance. Have you SEEN her room? It looks like several bombs went off. Nuclear ones.
Self: Just get out of my head and let me blog, and maybe I WILL do some of those things you're always badgering me about.
Reason: *snorts* That's doubtful.
Reality: You are such a tease. You never do what you say you're going to. Get off the internet and get a responsible LIFE, already.
Self: Don't make me pie you again.
REA TWINS: You wouldn't dare.
Self: Watch me.

Now, I'll admit something here. I didn't have any cream pies on hand this time. Last time was a bit of a fluke. It would be lovely if there were always cream pies hovering inches from our fingertips, waiting to be smashed in the faces of unsuspecting dillholes. Alas, we do not live in a perfect world. So I had to improvise.

For Reason, I found a bowlful of Jello and slammed it over his head like a helmut. It oozed down and into his eyes, completely obscuring his vision but (unfortunately) not reaching his mouth.

Reality got a face full of pudding, which is nearly as good as a cream pie for this sort of thing. I was very pleased with these results until he broke out in hives. I quickly realized my mistake: It was pistachio pudding, and as everyone knows, Reality is deathly allergic to all nuts.

Reason: What's going on? I can't see anything! Is that you wheezing, Rea?

Obviously he couldn't answer, and I was frozen in shock at my own stupidity.
Naturally, in their haste to bully me, they forgot to grab an EpiPen. We rushed him to the hospital and he's going to be just fine, albeit swollen for a few days.

I now owe them over $5000, by their count.

Running away,
Linds

PS- I promise, I do not have a multiple personality disorder.
Gwen Stefani: THAT'S a lie.
Self: Oh, not you again. I told you, I can't help you. At least you realize your career has become a joke. Just stop performing already.