"We are all Columbine"

Ten years ago today fifteen lives were lost. Innumerable lives were changed forever.
I haven't been able to turn the memories off all day. I can't even begin to describe the events of that day, but I can relate my own experience. Here it is, through the eyes of a nine year old.

Oh, but first, this video is beautiful. It has a song I wanted to include in this blog. So watch it, and then start it over as you read on? The song was written by Jonathan and Stephen Cohen (brothers who survived the Columbine massacre) not long afterwards, and was played at the memorial service.




I can't really remember much of what happened that morning. I'm sure I got on the bus late, as usual. My major concern was probably the fact that I still had zero friends at this school. It's not really important.

My memories begin with an announcement: The school was in lock down. Please cover all windows with posters or jackets, anything that will prevent someone from looking inside. Until then, keep the students out of sight.

*click*

The voice was gone. That's all we got. My teacher did as she was told, looking extremely worried. I'm not sure how much time passed until things were explained, but the next thing I remember is our principal rushing into the room holding a giant black walkie-talkie, looking pale and frazzled. She explained the situation, everything coming out in one long breath. There has been a shooting at Columbine High School. We don't know a lot of details, but it's possible the shooters are on the loose. The best thing to do is remain calm. Your parents are being notified, and are allowed to come pick you up early.

She rushed back out, leaving our teacher to deal with 30 very confused and panicked fourth graders. I remember someone asking if this would be on the news. I attempted to ask about people I knew who went there, assuming the adult to be all-knowing. "What about Matt and Dan? My brothers girlfriend goes there, where's she?"

My mom came and picked me up early (I think it was around 1 PM). My sister was already in the car. When we got home we sank down and watched the news for 11 hours straight, switching from station to station. For some reason I remember being on the floor, too close to the TV. I recall a few things about the news that day:

1) The clip of an extremely bloody Patrick Ireland attempting escape out of the Library window. I'm not sure why they loved this clip so much, but I must have seen it at least 100 times that day, and many more in the days following.

2) They kept changing their tune. I expected facts; what I got were rash estimations. It's speculated that 30 are dead, many many more injured. No one had any idea where the shooters were.

3) A 911 phone call was played. I don't remember the details, I just have this picture in my mind of the camera panning around the high school, with subtitles of the call running over it.

4) A friend of the family was repeatedly shown, simply saying, "I still can't find my daughter." Obviously they were just re-using this clip to represent so many parents desperately seeking their children, but to my 9 year old brain it was new every time. And every time my sister and I were convinced he still hadn't found her. We kept waiting for the reporter to point them out, running towards each other and finally embracing. It never happened.

At midnight or so, my parents convinced us to go to bed.

School was canceled the next day. I have no idea what we did. Sometime in the days following, we went to an impromptu memorial in a park right next to the school. They had 13 crosses, one for each of the victims.People brought flowers and candles and poems they had written and anything else they felt would honor those lives lost. There were SO many people there, it was hard to move. I can still see students crying in big group hugs, mourning for their friends.

A vague idea of the ridiculous amount of offerings.

What's interesting to me now is that I felt so connected to those people. I didn't know anyone who had died. The people I did know were several years older than me. But we were bonded, somehow. It felt good to be there, a small part of the grief.

Tragedy's power to unify a community never ceases to amaze me. I have seen it time and time again over the years. This was the first time I had really seen it in full force, but even at age nine I recognized it was something rare and beautiful. Every "clique" is thrown out the window. You are all in the same messed up place, and there's something comforting in that. Knowing that you can relate to someone even when the world seems to be falling apart is powerful.

This feeling led to the catchphrase "We are all Columbine" or just "We are Columbine." We are all connected, a community struggling to comprehend something so dark and vile it's difficult to believe it's real.

To this day, I can't drive anywhere in my hometown without seeing a We are Columbine license plate, or a Columbine ribbon bumper sticker. It still makes me smile, every time.


What do you remember about this day?

Love you,
Linds

Haze of crazy.

I am so ridiculously tired. This is why:

-Woke up at 4:20 AM
-Ignored alarm
-Woke up at 5, no time to shower, showered anyway
-Left for work at 6 (the time I was supposed to be there. It was my last day. What were they gonna do, fire me?)
-Worrrrked from 6 AM to 3 PM. Crazy stuff happened. (including some lovely renditions of Dr. Horrible songs)
-Ate Costa Vida
-Got a massage
-Got another massage (all trigger points. It was intense. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow.)
-Sped home, wolfed down the rest of my Costa Vida
-Attempted to look presentable. Not easy after 9 hours of work and 2 massages. It really didn't work.
-Went to an Allred concert. T'was awesome.
-Literally froze my butt off for half an hour, waiting for free burgers.
-Came home. Talked to my brother and sister.
-Picked up room mates computer, started blogging.

Passed out.jfa;sdkljckl/s


I have been going constantly for 19 hours. Call me a light-weight, but I'm going to bed.

Rawr,
Linds

[insert title here]

Dear Sleep,
Please be my friend. Preferably before 2 AM.
Thanks,
Lindsay


It's 10:30. I have to get up at 4:30 tomorrow morning to go to WORK.
If you haven't figured it out by now, this is going to be short.
Of course, you've probably already scrolled down to see that this is short. I didn't really need to tell you that. I seriously thought I had already blogged today. I'm losing track of blogging days.

We have now entered my last week in Utah. Next Thursday I will be driving home to Colorado! I'm telling you this as some advanced warning. When I DO have time to blog, it will probably go one of three ways:

1. I don't like packing. If I have to pack up one more box, I think I will jump off a bridge. It might have water under it, and I might be wearing a life jacket, but it will be intense. People will LOOK at me funny.

2. I'm going to miss all these people so much! I feel like I'll never see them again! *cries* We had such good times! *explodes in fits nostalgia*

3. I have way too much to do and don't have time to complain or cry or explode. I don't have time to think. I don't remember how to type. What's my name? *goes back to packing*


Beware, my friends, I will be crazy. Yes, worse than usual. I KNOW you didn't think it was possible, but just accept it. It's going to happen.

Love you and your blogs,
Linds

In which our love goes on and on and on and on and on and... not Nerimon.

Mrs. Nerimon has been in my head for so freaking long, I think it's slowly driving me insane(r).

Oh, right, hello there. Just so you know, my brain is not functioning at all tonight. The rest of this post has come out in a random jumble of thoughts. Kind of a stream of consciousness thing. My thoughts are weird. You have been warned.

Have you ever just been writing in your journal, and all of the sudden you're considering the possibility of it responding? How trippy would that be? It happens to me a lot. The considering, not the responding. And THEN what if you got sucked into a memory from fifty years ago? I think I've read Harry Potter too many times.

My sister and I made salsa today. Homemade salsa is so goooood. :)

This is going to sound weird, but... I really miss going to cadaver labs. I'm just so fascinated by anatomy and loved studying it on an actual body. I think doing a whole dissection would be amazing. My anatomy teacher loved me for my giddiness when everyone else was about to barf/pass out.

Please still be my friend.

I was forced to watch Dr. Horrible yesterday, and I basically fell in love. I need to watch it again, soon. You should watch it too. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

"Oh, look at my wrist, I've got to go..."
It's time for Ace of Cakes!

Peace,
Linds

PS- Sorry this is so random and pointless. Hopefully tomorrow will be worth reading! <3

Utah has no concept of what News really is.

'Ello loves!

I'm feeling a bit sick, so this is probably going to be short. That way I can go snuggle up under a blanket and watch Juno. :)

I do want to rant a bit about the "news" here in Utah. It's completely ridiculous. I mean, they do an American Idol recap every Tuesday and Wednesday, WITH reactions from family members if there's a contestant from Utah on the show.

Basically they have about 5 or 6 stories every night, and they just keep saying "More on this later!" They come back to it. Multiple times. I don't need to hear the same story 3 times, especially when it has no business being on the news in the first place.

For example, tonight they are talking about the Obama's getting a dog. That doesn't really seem news worthy to me, but whatever, I can handle it. But THEN they have "why a local breeder thinks it's the wrong choice." Really?? Why do you care what kind of dog the President has? And for the love of Bob, WHY are you talking about it on the NEWS?

Here's a headline taken from their website: "Hospitalized Colorado Boy's Yorkshire Terrier Dog Found Dead in Salt Lake County." I'm sorry, I love dogs and everything, but the fact that one has died shouldn't be on the news. Even if the boy is in town for surgery.


I understand that nothing happens in Utah, but there are plenty of things going on in the WORLD. It's local news, yes, but if there IS no local news, move on to something that MATTERS.

Sorry. Rant over.

On a happier note, I have been improving my British accent. :) Really, it's getting a lot better.

Time for Juno,
Linds

Internet priorities and the Twitter CONSPIRACY.

Hello, my lovely little readers!

Do you use Google Chrome? I do. Yesterday my sister and I were discussing what your nine most visited pages say about you. Her top four are Facebook, her university's homepage, gmail, and the bank's website. I would say those are fairly sensible. Especially in contrast to MINE. Let me take you on a journey, my friends, through my internet addiction.

#1- Facebook
It's not really surprising. Most of us spend half of our spare time glued to our computers, mindlessly browsing through photos and vandalizing each others walls. There's really not much else for me to say here.

#2- Twitter
This is actually what inspired this whole topic. Twitter took this slot just yesterday, and I found it kind of sad. I mean, half my tweeting comes from my phone, which means I do double what Chrome is registering. I'm still not sure it would overtake facebook, but it's quite impressive. I'm even relatively new to twitter, having joined in January(ish).

#3- YouTube
I feel completely comfortable in blaming John and Hank Green for this one. Without the vlogbrothers, I would never have become this addicted to the Tube. I wouldn't have discovered other vloggers or become even more obsessed with obscure videos by musicians. Oh, what would I do without my nerdfighter (the vlogbrothers viewers are called nerdfighters... just go with it) identity? Probably things that would make me less socially awkward, and we can't have that. We need Potter Puppet Pals. We want Mrs. Nerimon and party blower solos playing on loop in our brains. That way we can hum/sing along and get strange looks from people.

#4- MySpace
This used to occupy the top spot, but as you can see I've mostly recovered from that addiction. It's been slowly declining on the list for a while now; the only thing keeping it up there is music.

#5- Twitter
I know what you're thinking. You already listed Twitter, you idiot! You're right, I did. But Google Chrome is obviously controlled by the Fail Whale and all the little tweeting birdies. And the little birdies are telling Chrome to give Twitter two spots, spaced apart so hopefully no one will notice. It's subliminal advertising at it's best, but I am not fooled! I'm on to you, my winged friends. I'd tell you what the Fail Whale is saying, but I never learned how to speak whale, and Dori's not answering her phone at the moment.

#6- The Ning
This is the 'community' Maureen Johnson created so that we could make friends who are also blogging every day in April. I am smack dab in the middle of this addiction, and there is no hope for recovery, at least until May. I tried to resist for a few days, but it's overtaken me. I am a lost cause. I have been turned into a NingBot, completely controlled by Maureen (which could be a specialty of the Fire Breathing Walrus. I'm not sure, you'd have to ask an expert). I now do whatever MJ tells me to. *removes pants due to AmazonFail* (Edit: see Maureen's twitter for more explanation on this.)

I'm sure this one will keep moving up throughout this month.

#7- The Library
Yup, I'm on my library's website all the time: requesting books, checking when books I have checked out are due, checking the progress of books that had 30 holds on them. The usual.

#8- Fancorps
This used to be much higher on the list, but I've been neglecting my street team duties a bit lately. :| Although, it's not entirely my fault. The band I supported most dropped off the face of the earth to write a new album, and the team kind of went dead. I actually miss it a lot.

#9- Blogger
Somehow, even with BEDA, this is still at the bottom. I think it's because I so rarely blogged before I hopped aboard this bandwagon.


So there it is. It's kind of pathetic, really. If you were ever questioning whether or not I had a life, this should clear things up. I'm sure you guys can relate to some of these (at least I hope... *cough*).

RAWR,
Linds

The Freak Flag is flying at full mast.

MERRY EASTER!!!

My entire life I have LOVED Easter. My sister and I started all these funny little traditions when we were younger and it's become one of my favorite holidays. The past 4 years or so we've been separated on Easter, so we haven't been able to do any of it. THIS year, my friends, we were together; and the Freak Flag was flying at full mast.

It starts with our "Easter movies." Some of them qualify, and some of them just have bunnies in them so we thought they counted (like "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" and "The Velveteen Rabbit") . This is some quality stuff, involving claymation, bears named Gadzooks, and singing about jelly beans and pickles. And we're still immensely entertained by it all.

I mean, does that not look like FUN? Ok, we know they're ridiculous. Let's move on.

After the movie marathon, we dyed eggs. There was a lot of failing involved. I'm really glad we taped trash bags to the table.

Before:

First attempt:

EPIC FAIL:

There was a video involved with this, but I don't have time to upload it.

Final result:

Annnd these are from last year, but I was just looking through my pictures and I really like them:

That's about all I have time for. Sorry it's so short.
I love Easter. I love BEDA. I love your FACE.

Rawr,
Linds

People loving people.

Yesterday, my lovely room mate Geri wrote a blog about the crazy amount of people that exist in the world, and how they all have lives separate from our own. We don't really think about that often. So I'm going to.

Since I started BEDA, I've made some awesome friends. We're all different ages, from all around the world, our uniting force being BEDA and a nerdy disposition. After another marathon Skype chat (in which I actually got to use my vocal chords), I was thinking about how insane that is. I mean, I was TALKING to people in England, not to mention 3 time zones across the US. All at once. For free. And all of these people have LIVES; relationships, friends, adventures, and their own set of problems. Now they have IN jokes with people an ocean away.

I also tend to think about this on long road trips. You've got this entire world going on in your own little car. What about other cars? They're on their way to somewhere far, just like you. Have they gotten bored of 20 questions and moved on to That Guy Is Gigolo too? Do they have the same ridiculous stock of junk food? Do you have ANYthing in common?

Does it matter? You'll never actually talk to this person. Why should you waste a second thought on them? Because people matter. That person you had a head on collision with walking down the street exists outside of making you late to class and giving you a sore tail bone. They're not just a tiny footnote in your story, they have their own. Maybe they're struggling with something and a kind word could make all the difference in the world that day. You just never know.

Another amazing thing is UnculturedProject, aka Shawn. If you don't know about him, you should. He dropped everything and moved to Bangladesh, with the sole purpose of helping those in need. The poorest of the poor. Because he shares his journey on youtube, hundreds of us were able to donate money, help his cause, and see the end result. It's an inspiration, to be sure. We got to help people all the way around the world, and THEY are definitely real people with very real problems. I wish we could see them more clearly as human beings.

The point of all this is that we, the human race, can get really caught up in ourselves and forget about the world. I'm not just talking about the big issues, like starvation and genocide, plenty of us are aware and do the best we can to help. I just think people should love other people. Everyone deserves to be loved, or thought of in a nice way. Everyone wants a compliment and feels good about a smile from a stranger (as long as it's not creepy-stalker material).

I'm going to do my best to make everyone I come in to contact with smile. Just brighten their day a little bit. And remember that their life goes on after they meet me.

This was long and scattered. I'm going to be late for work.

Peace,
Linds

Books and tiny chickens in my brain

First things first: I need to know if you know someone named Michael who is gay. It's very important... for scientific reasons.

Now, day 10 of 30 means we're 1/3 of the way there! Yesss! I can do math(s). That's the real excitement here.

My brain is all foggy, I think the tiny chickens might be invading. :( Because of this, I went in to the forums searching for blog ideas. THIS seemed like the only thing my brain could handle.

What type of books do you like?
The good kind. I love all sorts of books, really. I'm not the biggest fan of Stephen King or anything creepy. I can't handle that stuff. Once, when I was younger, some kid told me a scary story and I slept on the couch in my parents room for MONTHS. It goes without saying that I don't watch scary/horror movies. I'm much less wussy now, but I'm still just not a fan.

And naturally I've wandered miles away from the type of books I enjoy. I like science fiction to a point. I love YA fiction , obviously. I don't know. I just love books. The end.

What book are you reading right now?
I'm re-reading Girl At Sea by Maureen Johnson at the moment. I will soon be reading Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, and I'm really excited about that one.

What are your favorite books?
This list would be oh so very long, so I'll just list some off the top of my head. It will definitely not be a full list.

Harry Potter (obviously)
Everything by John Green
Everything by Maureen Johnson
Let it Snow by the two previous and Lauren Myracle
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hossieni
The Book Thief and I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
the Leven Thumps series by Obert Skye
The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis
The Chronicles of Narnia
The Wee Free Men (Tiffany Aching saga) by Terry Pratchett
The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
On The Road by Jack Kerouac
Veronika Decides To Die by Paulo Coelho

I really like books about the Holocaust.

And I really can't think anymore.

Lovies,
Linds

Migraines are made of fail.

Sometimes I feel like I'm chronicling my days spent stranded on a deserted island.

"Day 9 of BEDA, and there's still no sign of the nice men with butterfly nets who have come to take me away. I hear they have padded cells there..."

Which is really quite surprising, because some crazy stuff comes out when I decide to write every day.

Today I didn't really do anything. I had a killer migraine so I spent the majority of the day hidden away in the bat cavemy room. *cough* I also watched a Colorado Avalanche hockey game. We lost in a shoot out, but it was still exciting because I don't get to watch a lot of hockey here in Utah.

Hmmm... what else?

Yesterday I helped my sister with a project for school. We made a shadow box full of things representative of dealing with grief, and it all related to our friend Morgan who died in a car crash two years ago. Honoring and remembering her is always great.

She loved to play tennis, and Maria Sharapova was her idol, so she got the nickname Mopova. They gave us those tennis balls at her funeral.


Alright lovelies, I'm sorry this blog is so short and boring, but my head really is killing me. Maybe I'll actually go to bed early. Probably not.

Peace,
Linds

Shoving a pie in Reality's face.

Blogging every day seems simple enough. You think to yourself, "Oh, I write on people's walls every day, plus I tweet every 5 seconds and I'm never short on anything to say. And besides, I can do anything. I'm SUPER blogger. I can type faster than a speeding bullet and flame comment haters with a single stare." You leave it at that, having thoroughly convinced yourself that this is going to be much easier than that time you promised to write in your journal twice a week.

About 5 or 6 days go by, and the inevitable happens: Reason decides to chime in.

Reason: OK, I think it's time to consider the possibility that you have nothing interesting to say.
Self: But... I'm doing it! I haven't missed a day! And what I've written hasn't made me want to gouge out my own eyes yet.
Reason: Yeah, but YOU can't be trusted. Remember your Humor Cycle of Shame? People rarely find your favorite one-liners as hysterical as you do.
Self:: Well, I guess that's true...
Reason: See! At least you can admit it. I think it's time you threw in the towel.
Self: Maybe if I just tried a little harder to get inspired--
(At this point, Reasons twin brother, Reality, steps in.)
Reality: Hey, remember me? You have things to do, you know. You can't just sit at the computer all day, reading other blogs. And NO ONE wants to see you having a dance party by yourself again. Shouting the lyrics to Sk8r Boi and doing the Soulja Boy dance is NOT going to unblock your brain. It's pathetic, and obviously it didn't work, since you're still talking to us.
Self: But it was FUN. And I LIKE blogging.
Reason: You shouldn't.
Reality: Yeah, it's a waste of time, and you suck at it.
Reason: *nods sanctimoniously*
Reality: Come study, it's so much better! Or go work out, you look like you've put on a few--

At this point, I tell them to shut up and shove a cream pie in each of their faces. Let me tell you, there's nothing more satisfying than shoving a pie in someones face. It's the ultimate catharsis. Plus, it's a bit difficult for them to keep talking if they suddenly have whipped cream in their mouth and up their nostrils.

So, my friend, I suggest you ignore the dreaded Rea Twins. If you want to blog every day, then you CAN. If you want to keep telling yourself this lie, DO IT. I know I will.


Yesterday my sister and I attempted to make orange rolls. There are several problems with this, the foremost being we have no idea what we're doing when kneading dough and we don't have a mixer. I took a food class in high school and learned how, but that was five years ago and supervised by someone who actually knows what they're doing.

Needless to say, it was a bit like Fauna's attempt at baking a cake in Sleeping Beauty.

In the end, we rolled it up haphazardly and decided they were orange cookie rolls. All the taste, just less... spiral-y.

Love,
Linds

PS- It seriously took me 20 minutes to find that picture. Well, I was also chatting, but that's beside the point.