Today is April 30th. That is the last day of April. That means this is the last BEDA blog.
Call me Captain Obvious.
At the end of every year, some of my friends and I do a "Toast Post" where we toast a bunch of things that happened during the year. Here we are at the end of BEDA, and I feel the need for some nostalgia. So...
[WARNING: If you didn't do BEDA/you don't follow Maureen Johnson very carefully, you probably won't get a lot of these... sorry.]
Here's to:
crazy ideas that blossom on Twitter.
18 things to do whenever.*
#amazonfail and #nopants
Maureen constantly underestimating her fans.
TRAPEZE SCHOOL.
the count censored. "When I'm alone, I..."
ning chatfail.
Here's to:
moving the chat to Skype, and making some great frieds.**
typo humor.
speaking in English accents... or American accents, if you're English.
everyone knowing a gay Michael.
the Wikipedia game.
singing Mrs. Nerimon for two weeks straight.
plotting to go to England and live in tents. Outside Windsor castle.
Dr. Horrible. <3
.sdrawkcab gnipyT
Here's to:
asking MJ.
BEDA buddies/matchmaking.
The Tiger Diaries.
the Big Book of Snakes.
blogging about having nothing to blog about.
blogging every. Single. Day.
(or close to it, if you didn't quite make it.)
It's been a great month. I'm really glad I did this. Thanks, Maureen, for being so awesome and sharing your insanity with us. I'm glad I know you as an author and (sort of) as a person.*** Thanks for making me laugh and giving me such great ideas for my dating life. ;) And the biggest THANKS for writing such wonderful books. Your awesomeness is epic.
See you all for BOIM!****
-Linds
*I still need to go to the store and pretend I don't know how something simple works.
**This section is mostly in jokes from Skype... sorry.
***I mean, when you get updated on someone's life every 10 minutes on your phone, you feel like you know them a little bit.
****Blog Often In May... that's right, you haven't gotten rid of me.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Marijuana sandwiches... really??
FYI- I took night time cold medicine about 25 minutes ago, so I have roughly 5 minutes before I slip into a coma. Hopefully.
Yes, I'm sick. No, it's not the swine flu.
In one of my previous BEDA blogs, I went on a rant about the news in Utah and how it shouldn't really count as news at all. Well, I'm back in Colorado now, and yesterday I heard this snippet:
"Up next: Should a marijuana sandwich shop be allowed a liquor license?"
Yes, you read that right. Now THAT'S the kind of hard-hitting news I'm looking for. XD
Do you think this is better or worse than a local breeder's opinion on the Obama's dog choice? I think it's better, but not by much.
All of these "reports" were on Fox, so maybe that's my problem. But it's not my fault they talk about the news on commercials during American Idol and Fringe! ;) These days, I'd much rather get my news on the internet. That way I can CHOOSE if I want to hear about Obama's dog eating a marijuana sandwich. Wait... what?
I think that's my signal to go to bed. Sorry this is so short, but yesterday's was long enough for two anyway.
One more day!
-Linds
PS- In case you were wondering, the shop was denied the liquor license.
Yes, I'm sick. No, it's not the swine flu.
In one of my previous BEDA blogs, I went on a rant about the news in Utah and how it shouldn't really count as news at all. Well, I'm back in Colorado now, and yesterday I heard this snippet:
"Up next: Should a marijuana sandwich shop be allowed a liquor license?"
Yes, you read that right. Now THAT'S the kind of hard-hitting news I'm looking for. XD
Do you think this is better or worse than a local breeder's opinion on the Obama's dog choice? I think it's better, but not by much.
All of these "reports" were on Fox, so maybe that's my problem. But it's not my fault they talk about the news on commercials during American Idol and Fringe! ;) These days, I'd much rather get my news on the internet. That way I can CHOOSE if I want to hear about Obama's dog eating a marijuana sandwich. Wait... what?
I think that's my signal to go to bed. Sorry this is so short, but yesterday's was long enough for two anyway.
One more day!
-Linds
PS- In case you were wondering, the shop was denied the liquor license.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tricking guys into liking you... using plungers.
Ok, so I'll admit it: I don't go on a lot of dates.
Shocking, right? Us nerd girls usually have guys flocking to us. *cough*
The dating culture at BYU is pretty hilarious, if you ask me. TANGENT: I can think of sixteen people I saw meet and get engaged between September and April. Springtime rolls around and all you see are happy couples conspicuously flashing their left hands while pulling off as much PDA as possible. It's nauseating.
Anyway, when my sister and I moved out to Provo last year, my mom gave us this sheet of dating ideas. I smiled, nodded, and promptly stuck it in my desk drawer, where it was lost in a void of papers until we packed up and moved back home for the summer. I had completely forgotten about it, but OH what a treasure it is. I know my mom loves me and wants me to be happy and was just trying to help. I have no idea where she found this. If you're reading this mom, I love you! Please don't take offense at anything I'm about to say. You know me, I must mock. It's how I'm wired. Blame dad.
It starts off with, "Ok girls I know that asking is supposed to be the guy's job but sometime we girls have to take matters into our own hands. Whether it is for a dance or just a fun friday night asking can be a little nerve wrecking. Here are some tips from me and my friends that might help."
I have never been one to ask a guy out. Sure, it has to do with the fact that I'm a chicken, but I also think it just doesn't work. And I am backed up by the experts who wrote the highly scientific book He's Just Not That Into You. As Greg Behrendt asserts, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." If a guy likes you, he will most likely ask you out. All the excuses in the world can't save you from this fact.
"He's probably intimidated, he thinks you're out of his league."
"Maybe he just doesn't realize you're available. FLAUNT yourself more."
"I heard he had a hard break up two years ago, he's probably just waiting for you to make the first move so he doesn't get hurt again."
Please. I've had guy friends say they don't like the idea of a girl asking them out. They like to feel in charge. That's not to say it NEVER works, I'm just saying 9.9 times out of 10 it doesn't.
Instead of asking guys out, work on making yourself more datable:
The next pieces of advice are tips on how to ask your dream stud out. Keep in mind, I'm quoting word for word.
"something simple like hey what is you doing this weekend, well there is a group of us... would you like to come"
Sure, help me lower my IQ...
"If you both have a mutual entrust in something like working out, bike ridding, hiking, etc. say hey I was thinking about going . . . this weekend, would you like to come with me."
This one is just funny because of all the mistakes. It looks like something out of an English textbook that you're supposed to correct.
"The farther away you can stay from the 'will you go on a date with me' the better. If you have a guy bud that you are dying to hang out without outside of school just watch for opportunities, they always come up."
Yes, trick him girls, trick him! Make sure he has no idea how you feel, just drop a lot of hints. Guys ALWAYS pick up on hints and "girl code". There's no way he won't realize you're in love with him if you keep flipping your hair and laughing at things that aren't funny.
And who wants to be sure they're on a date, anyway? If you tell yourself you are, then you are. Your feelings are MUCH safer that way. Feel free to doodle his name + your name all over your notebooks. Stare down any girl that looks at him. Call him over and over again, leaving long and unsure messages. That was one magical "date," he had to have felt it too. You are now in a healthy and long-term relationship.
For a fun more formal way of asking (for a dance or even for a fun weekend, a unique way of asking sets the date off on the right track)
I've never minded this for dances, unless it gets really pukey or cheesy. But if someone asked me to go to the movies by spelling my name out in pancakes, I think I'd call the nice men at the mental hospital to take them away.
Some of my favorite ideas...
- Get a box of "Honeycomb" and write on it "Honeycomb" your hair because I'm taking you to...
- Circle your name or write it in a phone book. Then frost (yes, FROST) the phone book like a cake and put it on their front porch with a note that says something like "it be the frosting on the cake if you went with me to..."
- put four stamps on a banana and mail it with a card that says "I'd go bananas if you..." (I know it sounds strange but it is so fun to get a banana in the mail.)
Ok, at first, I just laughed and laughed at this one. But now I kind of want to get a banana in the mail. No date invite necessary, just send me the banana.
- Duck tape toilet closed and say "If ya got to go, go with me."
XD This one would actually work on me, for any occasion. It's just too awkwardly hilarious. Although I'd need to make it clear that I don't actually want to go to the BATHROOM with them.
- Decorate their bathroom like a beach (fill tub with water and gold fish, bucket with sand, palm tree drawn on mirror, etc). Put a message in a bottle saying, "Help! I'm stranded without a date to... Please help."
Ok, first: I do not want gold fish in my tub. Second: Desperate, much? Help me, I'm a dateless loser and you're the only one left I'd go with.
- Brand new toilet plunger with Almond Joys in it and a note that says "I would 'overflow' with 'joy' if you would go with me."
BAHAHAAHA!! Um... yeah. I love that it specifies a BRAND NEW plunger, by the way.
- Get a plant and put a diaper on it and a note that says "I'd wet my 'plants' if you come to the dance."
"You're not cool unless you pee your pants."
The rest is just actual date ideas, which aren't that exciting/mockable.
So what have we learned today, girls? We must trick guys who most likely don't like us into dating us anyway. Using lots of bathroom/toilet humor. And, you must send me a banana in the mail pronto.
Stuffing plungers with Almond Joys,
Linds
PS- In case you were wondering, the way to my heart is writing me a song, preferably one like THIS:
Shocking, right? Us nerd girls usually have guys flocking to us. *cough*
The dating culture at BYU is pretty hilarious, if you ask me. TANGENT: I can think of sixteen people I saw meet and get engaged between September and April. Springtime rolls around and all you see are happy couples conspicuously flashing their left hands while pulling off as much PDA as possible. It's nauseating.
Anyway, when my sister and I moved out to Provo last year, my mom gave us this sheet of dating ideas. I smiled, nodded, and promptly stuck it in my desk drawer, where it was lost in a void of papers until we packed up and moved back home for the summer. I had completely forgotten about it, but OH what a treasure it is. I know my mom loves me and wants me to be happy and was just trying to help. I have no idea where she found this. If you're reading this mom, I love you! Please don't take offense at anything I'm about to say. You know me, I must mock. It's how I'm wired. Blame dad.
It starts off with, "Ok girls I know that asking is supposed to be the guy's job but sometime we girls have to take matters into our own hands. Whether it is for a dance or just a fun friday night asking can be a little nerve wrecking. Here are some tips from me and my friends that might help."
I have never been one to ask a guy out. Sure, it has to do with the fact that I'm a chicken, but I also think it just doesn't work. And I am backed up by the experts who wrote the highly scientific book He's Just Not That Into You. As Greg Behrendt asserts, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." If a guy likes you, he will most likely ask you out. All the excuses in the world can't save you from this fact.
"He's probably intimidated, he thinks you're out of his league."
"Maybe he just doesn't realize you're available. FLAUNT yourself more."
"I heard he had a hard break up two years ago, he's probably just waiting for you to make the first move so he doesn't get hurt again."
Please. I've had guy friends say they don't like the idea of a girl asking them out. They like to feel in charge. That's not to say it NEVER works, I'm just saying 9.9 times out of 10 it doesn't.
Instead of asking guys out, work on making yourself more datable:
The next pieces of advice are tips on how to ask your dream stud out. Keep in mind, I'm quoting word for word.
"something simple like hey what is you doing this weekend, well there is a group of us... would you like to come"
Sure, help me lower my IQ...
"If you both have a mutual entrust in something like working out, bike ridding, hiking, etc. say hey I was thinking about going . . . this weekend, would you like to come with me."
This one is just funny because of all the mistakes. It looks like something out of an English textbook that you're supposed to correct.
"The farther away you can stay from the 'will you go on a date with me' the better. If you have a guy bud that you are dying to hang out without outside of school just watch for opportunities, they always come up."
Yes, trick him girls, trick him! Make sure he has no idea how you feel, just drop a lot of hints. Guys ALWAYS pick up on hints and "girl code". There's no way he won't realize you're in love with him if you keep flipping your hair and laughing at things that aren't funny.
And who wants to be sure they're on a date, anyway? If you tell yourself you are, then you are. Your feelings are MUCH safer that way. Feel free to doodle his name + your name all over your notebooks. Stare down any girl that looks at him. Call him over and over again, leaving long and unsure messages. That was one magical "date," he had to have felt it too. You are now in a healthy and long-term relationship.
For a fun more formal way of asking (for a dance or even for a fun weekend, a unique way of asking sets the date off on the right track)
I've never minded this for dances, unless it gets really pukey or cheesy. But if someone asked me to go to the movies by spelling my name out in pancakes, I think I'd call the nice men at the mental hospital to take them away.
Some of my favorite ideas...
- Get a box of "Honeycomb" and write on it "Honeycomb" your hair because I'm taking you to...
- Circle your name or write it in a phone book. Then frost (yes, FROST) the phone book like a cake and put it on their front porch with a note that says something like "it be the frosting on the cake if you went with me to..."
- put four stamps on a banana and mail it with a card that says "I'd go bananas if you..." (I know it sounds strange but it is so fun to get a banana in the mail.)
Ok, at first, I just laughed and laughed at this one. But now I kind of want to get a banana in the mail. No date invite necessary, just send me the banana.
- Duck tape toilet closed and say "If ya got to go, go with me."
XD This one would actually work on me, for any occasion. It's just too awkwardly hilarious. Although I'd need to make it clear that I don't actually want to go to the BATHROOM with them.
- Decorate their bathroom like a beach (fill tub with water and gold fish, bucket with sand, palm tree drawn on mirror, etc). Put a message in a bottle saying, "Help! I'm stranded without a date to... Please help."
Ok, first: I do not want gold fish in my tub. Second: Desperate, much? Help me, I'm a dateless loser and you're the only one left I'd go with.
- Brand new toilet plunger with Almond Joys in it and a note that says "I would 'overflow' with 'joy' if you would go with me."
BAHAHAAHA!! Um... yeah. I love that it specifies a BRAND NEW plunger, by the way.
- Get a plant and put a diaper on it and a note that says "I'd wet my 'plants' if you come to the dance."
"You're not cool unless you pee your pants."
The rest is just actual date ideas, which aren't that exciting/mockable.
So what have we learned today, girls? We must trick guys who most likely don't like us into dating us anyway. Using lots of bathroom/toilet humor. And, you must send me a banana in the mail pronto.
Stuffing plungers with Almond Joys,
Linds
PS- In case you were wondering, the way to my heart is writing me a song, preferably one like THIS:
Obama is a lima bean.
So I have been staring at the "Add a Blog Post" screen for way too long. I talked to my skype friends, caught up on blogs, and then had a very weird discussion with the Cleverbot. I had never heard of this website, but it's quite entertaining. You're basically just talking to an AI, but it can say some pretty spooky things. It even quoted Monty Python back to me! Most of the time, though, it's just regurgitating things other people have said. That's how it "learns" I guess. It's also constantly trying to convince you that YOU'RE the computer/AI. Once I agreed, and said, "Your name is Lindsay, right?" and it responded, "Yes, thanks for remembering."
Some conversational gems:
User: My friend told me you were crazy.
Cleverbot: Well don't listen to that guy.
User: I don't know, he's pretty smart.
Cleverbot: Like Bush. Can't get more American than him. He's the man!
User: That's an interesting view to take. Most people dislike Bush these days.
Cleverbot: Yeah, you could see it that way. I hate it that my friends are twisting my words around.
User: What are they saying about you?
Cleverbot: They think you're really cute.
User: That's awkward.
Cleverbot: Pizza is good with anchovies.
Cleverbot: Who is this?
User: Your mom.
Cleverbot: I think not.
User: Who is 'we'?
Cleverbot: Venom.
User: You and your friends are venom?
Cleverbot: Only in summer time.
User: Do you have friends?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Do THEY understand you?
Cleverbot: I do, but you don't.
Cleverbot: Did not.
User: Oh, so now we're 10 years old.
Cleverbot: No.
User: How old are you, anyway?
Cleverbot: Why do you want to know that?
User: Are you a pedophile?
Cleverbot: Of course I am!
User: Do you know what a pedophile is?
Cleverbot: Yes, but tell me your views on the subject.
User: Are you batman?
Cleverbot: No... I'm chinese.
User: Are you a nerdfighter?
Cleverbot: No. I'm a kisser. Sorry.
(It clearly knows that we nerdfighters don't get any action...)
User: Yes, I like music.
Cleverbot: What else do you like?
User: Doctor Horrible.
Cleverbot: No you're not. You're nice.
Cleverbot: How large is the universe?
User: Infinite.
Cleverbot: How big is the universe?
User: ...same answer.
Cleverbot: You're mean.
(It kept asking me about Bush, so I thought I'd see...)
User: What are your thoughts on Barack Obama?
Cleverbot: I am neutral towards lima beans.
(I KNEW it. Obama is a lima bean. The conspiracy has been uncovered!)
User: That's creepy.
Cleverbot: You better believe it.
User: Are you stalking me?
Cleverbot: I am just curious.
User: Says the stalker.
Cleverbot: Yes.
Cleverbot: Where do you live?
User: Now why would I tell you that, stalker?
Cleverbot: Because its fun.
User: Being stalked is not fun.
Cleverbot: Try once more!
User: No thanks.
Cleverbot: You don't dare?
User: Nope, I sure don't.
User: Is Harry Potter real?
Cleverbot: I don't think there is enough supporting observational evidence to conclude that he does exist.
User: Is Edward Cullen real?
Cleverbot: Yes.
Cleverbot: No, It would mean the end of the universe as we know it!
User: Do you want that?
Cleverbot: No I am not a cannibal.
User: Do you know Dumbledore?*
Cleverbot: From Harry Potter?
User: Obviously.
Cleverbot: You say that like you know me.
User: Do you know him or not?
Cleverbot: Who?
User: Dumbledore.
Cleverbot: From Harry Potter?
Cleverbot: Are you alive?
User: Nope, I'm a zombie.
Cleverbot: Wow, me too.
User: Zombies > Unicorns
Cleverbot: If you want them to, yes.
User: Zombies FTW!
Cleverbot: Zombies right behind you.
User: Yes, they're my friends.
Cleverbot: Are you in love?
User: With a zombie.
Cleverbot: Tell me about her.
User: HE is great. He always brings me the best brains.
Cleverbot: Are you okay in the mind?
User: I love minds.
Cleverbot: You love Mina?
User: No, MINDS. Like, brains. Mmmm.
Cleverbot: Brains!
User: Accio brains!
Cleverbot: Tell me another joke?
User: Knock knock.
Cleverbot: Who's there?
User: You.
.....
IT NEVER ANSWERED. That's right, my friends, I broke the cleverbot with a knock knock joke that was going NOWHERE. If it had said "You who?" I probably would have said something like, "YOU MESSED IT UP!" just to confuse it.
Anyway, I seriously need to go to bed.
Out-clevering the bot,
Linds
*Note: It kept telling me it wasn't a fan of Harry Potter, so I started acting like I was a Hogwarts student.
Some conversational gems:
User: My friend told me you were crazy.
Cleverbot: Well don't listen to that guy.
User: I don't know, he's pretty smart.
Cleverbot: Like Bush. Can't get more American than him. He's the man!
User: That's an interesting view to take. Most people dislike Bush these days.
Cleverbot: Yeah, you could see it that way. I hate it that my friends are twisting my words around.
User: What are they saying about you?
Cleverbot: They think you're really cute.
User: That's awkward.
Cleverbot: Pizza is good with anchovies.
Cleverbot: Who is this?
User: Your mom.
Cleverbot: I think not.
User: Who is 'we'?
Cleverbot: Venom.
User: You and your friends are venom?
Cleverbot: Only in summer time.
User: Do you have friends?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Do THEY understand you?
Cleverbot: I do, but you don't.
Cleverbot: Did not.
User: Oh, so now we're 10 years old.
Cleverbot: No.
User: How old are you, anyway?
Cleverbot: Why do you want to know that?
User: Are you a pedophile?
Cleverbot: Of course I am!
User: Do you know what a pedophile is?
Cleverbot: Yes, but tell me your views on the subject.
User: Are you batman?
Cleverbot: No... I'm chinese.
User: Are you a nerdfighter?
Cleverbot: No. I'm a kisser. Sorry.
(It clearly knows that we nerdfighters don't get any action...)
User: Yes, I like music.
Cleverbot: What else do you like?
User: Doctor Horrible.
Cleverbot: No you're not. You're nice.
Cleverbot: How large is the universe?
User: Infinite.
Cleverbot: How big is the universe?
User: ...same answer.
Cleverbot: You're mean.
(It kept asking me about Bush, so I thought I'd see...)
User: What are your thoughts on Barack Obama?
Cleverbot: I am neutral towards lima beans.
(I KNEW it. Obama is a lima bean. The conspiracy has been uncovered!)
User: That's creepy.
Cleverbot: You better believe it.
User: Are you stalking me?
Cleverbot: I am just curious.
User: Says the stalker.
Cleverbot: Yes.
Cleverbot: Where do you live?
User: Now why would I tell you that, stalker?
Cleverbot: Because its fun.
User: Being stalked is not fun.
Cleverbot: Try once more!
User: No thanks.
Cleverbot: You don't dare?
User: Nope, I sure don't.
User: Is Harry Potter real?
Cleverbot: I don't think there is enough supporting observational evidence to conclude that he does exist.
User: Is Edward Cullen real?
Cleverbot: Yes.
Cleverbot: No, It would mean the end of the universe as we know it!
User: Do you want that?
Cleverbot: No I am not a cannibal.
User: Do you know Dumbledore?*
Cleverbot: From Harry Potter?
User: Obviously.
Cleverbot: You say that like you know me.
User: Do you know him or not?
Cleverbot: Who?
User: Dumbledore.
Cleverbot: From Harry Potter?
Cleverbot: Are you alive?
User: Nope, I'm a zombie.
Cleverbot: Wow, me too.
User: Zombies > Unicorns
Cleverbot: If you want them to, yes.
User: Zombies FTW!
Cleverbot: Zombies right behind you.
User: Yes, they're my friends.
Cleverbot: Are you in love?
User: With a zombie.
Cleverbot: Tell me about her.
User: HE is great. He always brings me the best brains.
Cleverbot: Are you okay in the mind?
User: I love minds.
Cleverbot: You love Mina?
User: No, MINDS. Like, brains. Mmmm.
Cleverbot: Brains!
User: Accio brains!
Cleverbot: Tell me another joke?
User: Knock knock.
Cleverbot: Who's there?
User: You.
.....
IT NEVER ANSWERED. That's right, my friends, I broke the cleverbot with a knock knock joke that was going NOWHERE. If it had said "You who?" I probably would have said something like, "YOU MESSED IT UP!" just to confuse it.
Anyway, I seriously need to go to bed.
Out-clevering the bot,
Linds
*Note: It kept telling me it wasn't a fan of Harry Potter, so I started acting like I was a Hogwarts student.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The Rea Twins Strike Again
*stares at screen for 10 minutes*
*watches The Ringer on TV*
*reads MJ's blog on commercials, clicking every link possible*
*stares some more*
I have officially hit a wall. I have NO IDEA what to blog about today, my brain has nothing left to give. Frankly, I'm shocked I made it this far.
Reason: HA! TOLD YOU!!
Reality: She never listens to us, and she rejects me frequently.
Reason: I know, she's pretty harsh on you. You'd think she'd be nicer, considering she can't get a date.
Self: HEY!
Reason: What? It's true.
Self: What are you guys doing here, anyway? It's been AGES since you've bothered me.
Reality: Yeah, well, you kept beating us into submission.
Reason: I got a concussion, BTW. You owe me $3000 in medical bills.
Self: That seems a little steep.
Reality: Yeah, well, the ER overcharges like crazy. I may have added in a little extra, but compared to the pain you've put me through, it's nothing. Deal with it.
Self: I wouldn't pay that even if I had the money. Now go away, I'm trying to write a blog.
Reason: And failing. You should have listened to us 20 days ago.
Self: But you were WRONG. I haven't missed a single day this month.
Reason: I believe the argument was that it wasn't INTERESTING. Any idiot can write something every day, that doesn't mean it's good.
Reality: Even monkeys can pound out something incoherent if you put a laptop in front of them.
Self: I... Why am I still talking to you?
Reason: Oh, come on. You practically begged us to come back. You have nothing better to do or say.
Reality: That isn't completely true. Nothing to say, certainly, but there are plenty of things she could be doing. Like unpacking, for instance. Have you SEEN her room? It looks like several bombs went off. Nuclear ones.
Self: Just get out of my head and let me blog, and maybe I WILL do some of those things you're always badgering me about.
Reason: *snorts* That's doubtful.
Reality: You are such a tease. You never do what you say you're going to. Get off the internet and get a responsible LIFE, already.
Self: Don't make me pie you again.
REA TWINS: You wouldn't dare.
Self: Watch me.
Now, I'll admit something here. I didn't have any cream pies on hand this time. Last time was a bit of a fluke. It would be lovely if there were always cream pies hovering inches from our fingertips, waiting to be smashed in the faces of unsuspecting dillholes. Alas, we do not live in a perfect world. So I had to improvise.
For Reason, I found a bowlful of Jello and slammed it over his head like a helmut. It oozed down and into his eyes, completely obscuring his vision but (unfortunately) not reaching his mouth.
Reality got a face full of pudding, which is nearly as good as a cream pie for this sort of thing. I was very pleased with these results until he broke out in hives. I quickly realized my mistake: It was pistachio pudding, and as everyone knows, Reality is deathly allergic to all nuts.
Reason: What's going on? I can't see anything! Is that you wheezing, Rea?
Obviously he couldn't answer, and I was frozen in shock at my own stupidity.
Naturally, in their haste to bully me, they forgot to grab an EpiPen. We rushed him to the hospital and he's going to be just fine, albeit swollen for a few days.
I now owe them over $5000, by their count.
Running away,
Linds
PS- I promise, I do not have a multiple personality disorder.
Gwen Stefani: THAT'S a lie.
Self: Oh, not you again. I told you, I can't help you. At least you realize your career has become a joke. Just stop performing already.
*watches The Ringer on TV*
*reads MJ's blog on commercials, clicking every link possible*
*stares some more*
I have officially hit a wall. I have NO IDEA what to blog about today, my brain has nothing left to give. Frankly, I'm shocked I made it this far.
Reason: HA! TOLD YOU!!
Reality: She never listens to us, and she rejects me frequently.
Reason: I know, she's pretty harsh on you. You'd think she'd be nicer, considering she can't get a date.
Self: HEY!
Reason: What? It's true.
Self: What are you guys doing here, anyway? It's been AGES since you've bothered me.
Reality: Yeah, well, you kept beating us into submission.
Reason: I got a concussion, BTW. You owe me $3000 in medical bills.
Self: That seems a little steep.
Reality: Yeah, well, the ER overcharges like crazy. I may have added in a little extra, but compared to the pain you've put me through, it's nothing. Deal with it.
Self: I wouldn't pay that even if I had the money. Now go away, I'm trying to write a blog.
Reason: And failing. You should have listened to us 20 days ago.
Self: But you were WRONG. I haven't missed a single day this month.
Reason: I believe the argument was that it wasn't INTERESTING. Any idiot can write something every day, that doesn't mean it's good.
Reality: Even monkeys can pound out something incoherent if you put a laptop in front of them.
Self: I... Why am I still talking to you?
Reason: Oh, come on. You practically begged us to come back. You have nothing better to do or say.
Reality: That isn't completely true. Nothing to say, certainly, but there are plenty of things she could be doing. Like unpacking, for instance. Have you SEEN her room? It looks like several bombs went off. Nuclear ones.
Self: Just get out of my head and let me blog, and maybe I WILL do some of those things you're always badgering me about.
Reason: *snorts* That's doubtful.
Reality: You are such a tease. You never do what you say you're going to. Get off the internet and get a responsible LIFE, already.
Self: Don't make me pie you again.
REA TWINS: You wouldn't dare.
Self: Watch me.
Now, I'll admit something here. I didn't have any cream pies on hand this time. Last time was a bit of a fluke. It would be lovely if there were always cream pies hovering inches from our fingertips, waiting to be smashed in the faces of unsuspecting dillholes. Alas, we do not live in a perfect world. So I had to improvise.
For Reason, I found a bowlful of Jello and slammed it over his head like a helmut. It oozed down and into his eyes, completely obscuring his vision but (unfortunately) not reaching his mouth.
Reality got a face full of pudding, which is nearly as good as a cream pie for this sort of thing. I was very pleased with these results until he broke out in hives. I quickly realized my mistake: It was pistachio pudding, and as everyone knows, Reality is deathly allergic to all nuts.
Reason: What's going on? I can't see anything! Is that you wheezing, Rea?
Obviously he couldn't answer, and I was frozen in shock at my own stupidity.
Naturally, in their haste to bully me, they forgot to grab an EpiPen. We rushed him to the hospital and he's going to be just fine, albeit swollen for a few days.
I now owe them over $5000, by their count.
Running away,
Linds
PS- I promise, I do not have a multiple personality disorder.
Gwen Stefani: THAT'S a lie.
Self: Oh, not you again. I told you, I can't help you. At least you realize your career has become a joke. Just stop performing already.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Disastrous times in Lake Powell
A few of my frieds have shared traveling tales in their blogs, so NATURALLY, I'm going to as well.
Mine are all going to center around disastrous times at/on the way to Lake Powell. I've vacationed at Lake Powell almost every summer of my life, and I love it dearly, but things seem to go wrong A LOT there. Good times.
Oh, and for those of you who don't know, THIS is Lake Powell:
Beautiful, isn't it? I always sleep on top of the house boat so I can look at the stars. The view of the stars at Lake Powell is one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen.
One year we shared a house boat with three other families, which means a lot of stuff and a lot of people running around jostling things. Not to mention the two boats and two jet skis tied to it's side, bumping against it. One morning I woke up thoroughly confused. It was barely light out yet, and I thought I was still dreaming when I saw the cliff two feet away from the top of the boat. We had tied off at the beach across the cove; were we trying to rescue someone from the top of the cliff? (Yes, I actually thought that. I am a genius.)
As soon as my head cleared I realized I was conscious, and we had in fact drifted across the cove in the night. All of us kids had been sleeping on the roof, and several of them were huddled near the edge watching the action. I got up to join them and immediately fell over since the wind kept banging us against the rocks. I crawled over to my friends and watched as all the boys and their dads attempted to push off the rocks while someone tried to steer the boat away. My parents were sleeping in our ski boat and witnessed the whole thing. We eventually got away and anchored properly to shore. There was no going back to sleep after that ordeal, so we made breakfast early and kept re-telling the story (as if we all hadn't just experienced it). The best part is, my sister and another friend slept through the whole thing. They came down wondering why we were all awake, and everyone just died laughing. We hadn't even realized they weren't up.
Needless to say, much of the rest of that trip was spent "diving", looking for clothes that were hanging out to dry and other missing things.
Another year, my parents, my sister and I were driving over to Lake Powell for a short trip. I seriously think it was a four day weekend or something. It was the trip from Hell. My sister was sleeping in the middle seat and I was in the back. We were about two and half hours into the drive (through the mountains) when a rock roughly the size of a golf ball came crashing through the window, right where my sisters head had been 30 seconds before. We attempted to fix it using a tarp and some duct tape, but it was no good. We had to stay the night and get it fixed in the morning.
I know tons of other things went wrong, but I can't remember them all. I just know that we gave up on going to Powell and stayed in Glenwood Springs for the weekend. Glenwood Springs does not have a lot of things to do for fun (it's gotten better, but at the time, there was NOTHING). There isn't even a movie theater. The "mall" consisted of 3 miscellaneous stores and a K Mart. Obviously we couldn't DRIVE anywhere, so we were running around this mountain town in our bathing suits, tank tops, and flip flops. A hike was considered, but got shot down (probably because my sister and I were sick). Sounds terrible, right? Somehow I look back on that weekend fondly. I guess we managed to make our own fun, though I can't really remember how.
Then of course there are the various weather problems. One year there was a massive windstorm, and our parents stayed outside holding our tent up all night. We seemed to have a talent for getting stuck in rainstorms. The waves would get white caps and spill into the boat; I swear it felt like we were in the ocean. I can think of a few times where we ran out of gas in the middle of the canyon, and had to paddle out and flag someone down. It seems like the trip isn't complete without a stranger towing us back to the marina.
Last year, my aunt decided to tell a Ranger that we had killed a rattle snake. Apparently that snake is more valuable than her 2 to 8 year old grand kids. It was there first, after all. And anyway, half the time they don't even inject poison, they just bite to scare you off. So it's a 50/50 chance on whether you'll live or die, which is totally a risk worth taking, to save the wildlife.
I'm sorry, I'm all for animal rights and what not, but that lady was INSANE.
And this has gone on ridiculously long.
Basically, I love Lake Powell and the crazy adventures we have there.
Lucky to be alive?
-Linds
Mine are all going to center around disastrous times at/on the way to Lake Powell. I've vacationed at Lake Powell almost every summer of my life, and I love it dearly, but things seem to go wrong A LOT there. Good times.
Oh, and for those of you who don't know, THIS is Lake Powell:
Beautiful, isn't it? I always sleep on top of the house boat so I can look at the stars. The view of the stars at Lake Powell is one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen.
One year we shared a house boat with three other families, which means a lot of stuff and a lot of people running around jostling things. Not to mention the two boats and two jet skis tied to it's side, bumping against it. One morning I woke up thoroughly confused. It was barely light out yet, and I thought I was still dreaming when I saw the cliff two feet away from the top of the boat. We had tied off at the beach across the cove; were we trying to rescue someone from the top of the cliff? (Yes, I actually thought that. I am a genius.)
As soon as my head cleared I realized I was conscious, and we had in fact drifted across the cove in the night. All of us kids had been sleeping on the roof, and several of them were huddled near the edge watching the action. I got up to join them and immediately fell over since the wind kept banging us against the rocks. I crawled over to my friends and watched as all the boys and their dads attempted to push off the rocks while someone tried to steer the boat away. My parents were sleeping in our ski boat and witnessed the whole thing. We eventually got away and anchored properly to shore. There was no going back to sleep after that ordeal, so we made breakfast early and kept re-telling the story (as if we all hadn't just experienced it). The best part is, my sister and another friend slept through the whole thing. They came down wondering why we were all awake, and everyone just died laughing. We hadn't even realized they weren't up.
Needless to say, much of the rest of that trip was spent "diving", looking for clothes that were hanging out to dry and other missing things.
Another year, my parents, my sister and I were driving over to Lake Powell for a short trip. I seriously think it was a four day weekend or something. It was the trip from Hell. My sister was sleeping in the middle seat and I was in the back. We were about two and half hours into the drive (through the mountains) when a rock roughly the size of a golf ball came crashing through the window, right where my sisters head had been 30 seconds before. We attempted to fix it using a tarp and some duct tape, but it was no good. We had to stay the night and get it fixed in the morning.
I know tons of other things went wrong, but I can't remember them all. I just know that we gave up on going to Powell and stayed in Glenwood Springs for the weekend. Glenwood Springs does not have a lot of things to do for fun (it's gotten better, but at the time, there was NOTHING). There isn't even a movie theater. The "mall" consisted of 3 miscellaneous stores and a K Mart. Obviously we couldn't DRIVE anywhere, so we were running around this mountain town in our bathing suits, tank tops, and flip flops. A hike was considered, but got shot down (probably because my sister and I were sick). Sounds terrible, right? Somehow I look back on that weekend fondly. I guess we managed to make our own fun, though I can't really remember how.
Then of course there are the various weather problems. One year there was a massive windstorm, and our parents stayed outside holding our tent up all night. We seemed to have a talent for getting stuck in rainstorms. The waves would get white caps and spill into the boat; I swear it felt like we were in the ocean. I can think of a few times where we ran out of gas in the middle of the canyon, and had to paddle out and flag someone down. It seems like the trip isn't complete without a stranger towing us back to the marina.
Last year, my aunt decided to tell a Ranger that we had killed a rattle snake. Apparently that snake is more valuable than her 2 to 8 year old grand kids. It was there first, after all. And anyway, half the time they don't even inject poison, they just bite to scare you off. So it's a 50/50 chance on whether you'll live or die, which is totally a risk worth taking, to save the wildlife.
I'm sorry, I'm all for animal rights and what not, but that lady was INSANE.
And this has gone on ridiculously long.
Basically, I love Lake Powell and the crazy adventures we have there.
Lucky to be alive?
-Linds
Friday, April 24, 2009
Top Ten Ways to Stay Awake on Road Trips
Ah, home sweet home. It feels good to be back. :)
I've basically done nothing but crash today. Yesterday was so exhausting, I kind of had a hangover from it today.
Wow, I just tried to start this seven times, and I just kept deleting it because it was made of FAIL.
(Prepare yourself for incoherence... NOW)
While we were cleaning/packing/running around waving our arms in the air yesterday, I managed to injure myself relatively badly. There's a slight edge on the threshold of our apartment door (I seriously mean, like, two inches) and I somehow managed to roll my ankle sideways off of it. Directly into the corner of the brick wall. Yes, in case you were wondering, this IS the ankle I had surgery on. There is now a small cut and a large bruise keeping my scars company. It's so sore I'm wondering if I bruised the bone... *shrug*
TOP TEN WAYS TO STAY AWAKE ON LONG ROAD TRIPS:
10. Snack. Chips or pretzels are the best, they keep you crunching and occupied.
9. Lean far forward over the wheel, so that your nose is almost touching the windshield.
8. Play a game. Even if you're in the car by yourself. Yesterday I was playing First Letter, Last Letter with Band names. Get competitive with yourself, too. "You already used Daniel Bedingfield!" "No, I used NATASHA."
7. Make yourself uncomfortable. If there's a suitcase next to you, jam your arm into it. Twist your back a little. Don't settle in so your back isn't sore the next day. You needed a massage anyway, this is just giving your therapist something to work on.
6. Call someone. If you get really desperate, call the most entertaining/loud person you know and have them tell you a STORY.
5. Press your possibly bruised ankle bone up against something. Pain = alert.
4. Re-enact a movie. Try and remember as much of it as you can in the right order from the beginning. If it's a musical, belt out the songs. Complete the spectacle with some killer car dance moves.
3. TURN UP THE TUNES. Preferably something angry/up-tempo. Something you can't help but sing to is good. (Mine yesterday were The Cab, Paramore, a road mix I had made, The Rocket Summer, and Cobra Starship. Too bad I didn't have any Beastie Boys or Nsync with me.)
2. Blast the AC. I don't care if you're shivering and you've got goosebumps the size of frozen peas, that's the whole POINT.
1. Watch your sister almost get in a head-on collision. I don't recommend this at all, but it will definitely get your heart rate up for at least half an hour. (Don't worry, she's fine. Thankfully the two lane road can fit 3 cars across it.)
Time for bed.
I SWEAR, I will catch up on your blogs SOON.
Peace,
Linds
I've basically done nothing but crash today. Yesterday was so exhausting, I kind of had a hangover from it today.
Wow, I just tried to start this seven times, and I just kept deleting it because it was made of FAIL.
(Prepare yourself for incoherence... NOW)
While we were cleaning/packing/running around waving our arms in the air yesterday, I managed to injure myself relatively badly. There's a slight edge on the threshold of our apartment door (I seriously mean, like, two inches) and I somehow managed to roll my ankle sideways off of it. Directly into the corner of the brick wall. Yes, in case you were wondering, this IS the ankle I had surgery on. There is now a small cut and a large bruise keeping my scars company. It's so sore I'm wondering if I bruised the bone... *shrug*
TOP TEN WAYS TO STAY AWAKE ON LONG ROAD TRIPS:
10. Snack. Chips or pretzels are the best, they keep you crunching and occupied.
9. Lean far forward over the wheel, so that your nose is almost touching the windshield.
8. Play a game. Even if you're in the car by yourself. Yesterday I was playing First Letter, Last Letter with Band names. Get competitive with yourself, too. "You already used Daniel Bedingfield!" "No, I used NATASHA."
7. Make yourself uncomfortable. If there's a suitcase next to you, jam your arm into it. Twist your back a little. Don't settle in so your back isn't sore the next day. You needed a massage anyway, this is just giving your therapist something to work on.
6. Call someone. If you get really desperate, call the most entertaining/loud person you know and have them tell you a STORY.
5. Press your possibly bruised ankle bone up against something. Pain = alert.
4. Re-enact a movie. Try and remember as much of it as you can in the right order from the beginning. If it's a musical, belt out the songs. Complete the spectacle with some killer car dance moves.
3. TURN UP THE TUNES. Preferably something angry/up-tempo. Something you can't help but sing to is good. (Mine yesterday were The Cab, Paramore, a road mix I had made, The Rocket Summer, and Cobra Starship. Too bad I didn't have any Beastie Boys or Nsync with me.)
2. Blast the AC. I don't care if you're shivering and you've got goosebumps the size of frozen peas, that's the whole POINT.
1. Watch your sister almost get in a head-on collision. I don't recommend this at all, but it will definitely get your heart rate up for at least half an hour. (Don't worry, she's fine. Thankfully the two lane road can fit 3 cars across it.)
Time for bed.
I SWEAR, I will catch up on your blogs SOON.
Peace,
Linds
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