This is all I have for you.

And I think it's more than anyone could ever dream of.

Counteracting my brain

I have spent way too much time today thinking about things that are stressful and/or sad. Much of yesterday was devoted to the same. I think it's about time, as Hank Green would say, to intensely dwell on things that I like a great deal.

Music that is not in english. I love just getting a feeling from a song and not having the words affect my impression of it. Pure emotion, no logistics.
On the other end, music with outstanding lyrics.
Anatomy and Physiology. Every person is seriously a miracle. I love learning about everything that makes that miracle possible.
Brains and their capacity to govern everything and process all kinds of information and requests instantly and independent of thought.
Bryce Avary.
John's.
The sound of rain pounding on the windows and then it thunders and you swear you feel the house rumble.
Driving, especially at night through the mountains, or just when no one else is around.
Things that are inconsequential but become a big deal in a really beautiful way.
Pink umbrellas. I don't even like pink but :)
The fact that CIA stands for Culinary Institute of America as well as the Central Intelligence Agency.
Socks. Seriously the way to my heart is a pair of cool socks.
Andrew McMahon.
Ugly sweaters.
Walking 10 feet from my favorite record store to my favorite book store, and coming out smelling like a mixture of both.
Listening to other people laugh.
The fact that I only laugh at my own jokes when other people laugh at them.
Blankets.
Drive in movies because the real point is not to watch the movie, the point is to be in the bed of a truck with too many people and blankets and pillows to fit.
Going to something and completely disregarding the intended purpose of it.
Listening to an album all the way through for the first time.

I am so tired and I'm having a hard time thinking of interesting things sso I'm going to stop. That actually did help me feel a little better. Sorry if it was boring for you, though. Hopefully I'll be back to videos tomorrow.

I always feel the need to sign things and then there's this pressure to come up with a funny or interesting way to phrase it, or just in general I like to end on a high note. Like I always try to save the best bite for last.

this has been a 4 am post

write stream of consciousness blog
realize the reason you can't sleep
delete delete delete
rewrite rewrite rewrite
realize that was more fit for a journal
save as draft
wish you were unconscious
take ibuprofen and sleep aid
wait for the relief of nothingness
wait
wait
wait

I PROMISE this isn't worth reading. Move along.

So it's tired-time Saturday night. I was laying in bed, all comfy cozy, ready to read until I fell asleep which would be quick because I'm, like, tired for once in my life. And THEN. I realized.

I promised Geri a blog this week. I've failed at so much recently that I figured I had to give her this one. So HERE. This is a blog-like-thing-that-shouldn't-really-pass-for-a-blog-but-whatever.

Um.

I feel like it's April and I'm trying to think of something semi-worthwhile to post before the stroke of midnight. BEDA ftw.

Here have a list:
football sucked today
sports is like life
catttttt
I'm tired
I shouldn't be allowed to write when I'm tired
I'm tired
I like your face
poop


You're welcome.



You're welcom for that, too.
You said you wanted my face, Geri, but this is so much better.

I just fell asleep at the computer, guys. I'm TIRED. I'm an island. Leave me alone.

Hope that qualifies, Geri. I can haz macbook pro soon, and life will be so much better. :)

kvcjaiejflsabye
<3

You are so not alone it's ridiculous.

Perspective.

I didn't ask for it, it just punched me in the stomach. I mean, I realize you don't often ask for a good stomach punching, but warning can be nice. Is it too much to ask for a "Hey, I'm going to knock the wind right out of you now. It's going to hurt, but there's nothing you can do to stop it. POW."?

Yes, yes it is.

Today I've been reminded how important people are. How important it is for everyone to have a connection to someone else, and for that connection to be FELT by both individuals. Friendship should not just be felt on one end. Our thoughts and feelings do not transfer easily. I think about people often, wonder how they're doing, miss them. Very rarely do I tell them this.

That, right there, needs to change. I love so many people. I'm sure you do, too. Do you let them know? I'm not necessarily talking about people you see every day. Actually, yes I am. Experience has taught me that you can't always trust your actions to speak louder than your words. Don't underestimate the power of words. Actions can be misread or brushed off. People can convince themselves that they don't matter, that nobody cares. I am here to tell you that that's false.

I'm sorry, this post is so scattered. Basically, I want you to know that I love you. I care about your trials, happiness, heartache, and loneliness. You have someone to talk to who wants to hear it. You have a source of unconditional love and respect and infinite hugs. You matter. You are so ridiculously worth my time. My time exists so that I can use it to be there for you.

You are not alone. That is one of the most important parts of our existence.

"You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters."
- To Write Love On Her Arms (Mission Statement)

Remember to love each other. Remember to love yourself. And if you can't find it in you to love yourself, remember that there is someone who does. "The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know." I believe this to be true. I will try my hardest to keep people from slipping through the cracks, into dark places that it seems impossible to get out of. I don't want to see that happen to any more of my loved ones.

I love you. Please please please know that.

-Lindsay

(PS- I know I haven't posted since BEDA. I've really been meaning to. Sorry to come back with such a somber post. :/)

Toast Post... THANK YOU MAUREEN!!

Today is April 30th. That is the last day of April. That means this is the last BEDA blog.

Call me Captain Obvious.

At the end of every year, some of my friends and I do a "Toast Post" where we toast a bunch of things that happened during the year. Here we are at the end of BEDA, and I feel the need for some nostalgia. So...

[WARNING: If you didn't do BEDA/you don't follow Maureen Johnson very carefully, you probably won't get a lot of these... sorry.]

Here's to:
crazy ideas that blossom on Twitter.
18 things to do whenever.*
#amazonfail and #nopants
Maureen constantly underestimating her fans.
TRAPEZE SCHOOL.
the count censored. "When I'm alone, I..."
ning chatfail.

Here's to:
moving the chat to Skype, and making some great frieds.**
typo humor.
speaking in English accents... or American accents, if you're English.
everyone knowing a gay Michael.
the Wikipedia game.
singing Mrs. Nerimon for two weeks straight.
plotting to go to England and live in tents. Outside Windsor castle.
Dr. Horrible. <3
.sdrawkcab gnipyT

Here's to:
asking MJ.
BEDA buddies/matchmaking.
The Tiger Diaries.
the Big Book of Snakes.
blogging about having nothing to blog about.
blogging every. Single. Day.
(or close to it, if you didn't quite make it.)

It's been a great month. I'm really glad I did this. Thanks, Maureen, for being so awesome and sharing your insanity with us. I'm glad I know you as an author and (sort of) as a person.*** Thanks for making me laugh and giving me such great ideas for my dating life. ;) And the biggest THANKS for writing such wonderful books. Your awesomeness is epic.

See you all for BOIM!****
-Linds

*I still need to go to the store and pretend I don't know how something simple works.
**This section is mostly in jokes from Skype... sorry.
***I mean, when you get updated on someone's life every 10 minutes on your phone, you feel like you know them a little bit.
****Blog Often In May... that's right, you haven't gotten rid of me.

Marijuana sandwiches... really??

FYI- I took night time cold medicine about 25 minutes ago, so I have roughly 5 minutes before I slip into a coma. Hopefully.

Yes, I'm sick. No, it's not the swine flu.

In one of my previous BEDA blogs, I went on a rant about the news in Utah and how it shouldn't really count as news at all. Well, I'm back in Colorado now, and yesterday I heard this snippet:

"Up next: Should a marijuana sandwich shop be allowed a liquor license?"

Yes, you read that right. Now THAT'S the kind of hard-hitting news I'm looking for. XD
Do you think this is better or worse than a local breeder's opinion on the Obama's dog choice? I think it's better, but not by much.

All of these "reports" were on Fox, so maybe that's my problem. But it's not my fault they talk about the news on commercials during American Idol and Fringe! ;) These days, I'd much rather get my news on the internet. That way I can CHOOSE if I want to hear about Obama's dog eating a marijuana sandwich. Wait... what?

I think that's my signal to go to bed. Sorry this is so short, but yesterday's was long enough for two anyway.

One more day!
-Linds

PS- In case you were wondering, the shop was denied the liquor license.